Unsurprisingly, not many people here in the UK have heard of divorce doulas or know what services they provide. We’ll unpack what this role actually is (and crucially, what it isn’t) below, and find out whether it’s something that could benefit people facing divorce.
What does a divorce doula do?
A divorce doula is a relatively new term for someone who provides emotional and practical support for people going through separation. It’s similar to a birth doula, who provides a service to help women throughout pregnancy and birth.
Divorce doulas can also be thought of as a supportive friend or family member, who you can lean on when times are tough. But crucially, this person is paid for their services.
This can be helpful for people who feel they are leaning too heavily on loved ones, which can happen in the case of messy or acrimonious divorces. You might not feel comfortable calling a friend several times a day or in the middle of the night, especially if that person has their own problems to deal with.
But a doula can step into this role, providing you with what has been described as “that best friend you’ve always wanted, but you’re paying for.”
Here’s clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Orna Guralnik explaining to the Guardian about why this service may be needed:
“When people are in the throes of divorce, it is a period of time where people – even if they have good friends and they have a support system – often get alienated,”
“It’s hard for people to disclose what they’re going through and to ask questions, so in that sense I can imagine this service is very helpful,”
Why divorce doulas are no substitute for trained legal professionals
If you’re considering using a divorce doula or a similar service, it’s important to understand what this role is and isn’t.
A divorce doula does provide emotional and practical support. They are someone to talk to and share your problems with, and who can help you prioritise your wellbeing.
They can give advice on potentially difficult emotional quandaries. For example, how to deal with family situations where your ex will be present, and whether or not you should send that angry email (you probably shouldn’t). They even help you with arrangements for picking up the kids, organise your appointments and how to deal with unexpected crises.
What a divorce doula is not is a therapist, and nor are they a trained legal professional.
Divorce doulas can help to explain how the basic legal process of divorce in the UK works. This can help you to understand how it works and what to expect next.
But most do not have legal training, so are not a substitute for your divorce solicitor. During separation, it’s crucial to get reliable, accurate legal advice. Failing to do so, or listening to the wrong advice, could result in an expensive or drawn-out process.
This isn’t to say that divorce doulas don’t have helpful part to play for people getting divorced. Think of them somewhere between your circle of friends and your solicitor, providing that much-needed emotional support whenever you need it.
Ready for legal advice? Get in touch with Liverpool divorce solicitor Tracey Miller Law on 0151 515 3036 or 07795 060 211 for a free initial consultation, with no obligation.